Mr. Bittern: The Bird Who Bought TrumpCoin
Before the crash… before the swamp turned cold…There was a bird.
Mr. Bittern.
The Warren Buffett of Wetlands.
He had it all:
. Worms in the bank.
. A nest in a gated lily pad community.
. A golden perch engraved “#1 Swamp 401.”
That was it. That was
all he needed.
In one fell swoop of financial
bravado, he sold it all:
. The nest.
. The worm 401(k).
. Even his collector’s edition lily
pad (solid gold, limited mint).
He was ALL IN on TrumpCoin
For one glorious week, Bittern
soared.
Hired a raccoon accountant (no
credentials, great vibes).
Started doing swamp coke off
his accountant’s back while
shouting “I AM THE MARKET!”
Then... rug.
The dev ghosted.
The Telegram?
Now just bots pitching the next rugpull.
His ETH became EFTears.
His Bitcoin? Bit-gone.
His lily pad? Foreclosed.
He floats alone.
Smoldering something leafy.
Eyes glassy.
Muttering to no one:
“It was backed by liberty...”
MORAL OF THE STORY:
In crypto, you either die a hero... or live long enough to become the cautionary tale.
Follow his redemption arc @MrBittern on twitter every Monday, Wedenesday and Friday.